Ok I know I have been posting a lot about Mack recently and have not posted anything regarding me in a while. Truthfully, I'm stressed and frustrated beyond belief as this semester is coming to a close. I have a week and a half left of class and then finals and have now entered "crunch time". I will be teaching my own lesson plan to a 3rd grade class a week from today and am stressed about whether all of the work I have put in, is going to pay off and will I actually teach them new information in an exciting way or if I will leave them bored and confused. I find myself stressing over whether I have chosen the right "career" for myself. If I am meant to be a teacher, would I be this worried about the outcome of one lesson? Are teachers naturally calm and feel in their element when preparing to teach or do they feel the anxiety I've been feeling?
In addition to the stress of the semester ending, I am dealing with the fact that though I have been in college 4 years already, and am a senior by credits, I will be school for 2 more years to come still finishing my bachelors degree. I see all of my friends who have graduated and gone on to pursue their careers already, and here I am still sitting in the classroom and doing homework. Will it ever end?? I'm getting to the point now when someone asks me what I do, I cringe as I respond "I'm a full-time college student", to which they typically reply "oh, getting your masters?" and I must reply, "no, my bachelors". I then wait for the awkwardness to pass as we stand there not really knowing what to say next. I typically end the conversation saying "It took me a couple years to figure out what I wanted to do with my life".
What I find interesting is that if I were a woman in my late 30's going back to college for the first time, people would look at me with admiration for deciding to pursue an education as an adult and overcoming so many obstacles. But since I am 23 and have been in school for 4 years, I should have graduated by now and look as though I don't apply myself, never-minding the fact that I am a wife and a mother who works 10-15 hours a week and is still able to maintain a 3.4 GPA (a 3.9 in my core education classes).
2 comments:
Oh Liz! Can I just totally validate all that you are feeling!? Ha.
First, don't question what you are doing. Totally be nervous, anxious, excited for your lesson. I've heard from SO many other teachers that they don't feel calm and confident until about two or three years in! This is because it takes that long to practice a full school year's curriculum.
Second, you have such good instincts with kids. So trust yourself. If you notice the kids getting bored (which I doubt they will) then switch it up. You know as well as anyone else that you definitely have to go with the flow when it comes to kids.
Third, Amen and Amen to your feelings of being and 'adult learner.' Once I start my teacher licensing program this fall can I come over and moan to you about being in school at 26/27 and only having a credential to show for it? It doesn't help that I can't convince anyone that I'm older than 20 and have a little bit of experience at life.
Not sure if this is what you needed to hear. But I just have to smile at what you've written because I feel like I can relate so much to what you've shared (minus the baby and husband). :)
Okay, enough from me. Take care!
Liz,
Just a quick story about Lloyd to make you feel better:
His first day ever as a for-real teacher with a contract, he wrote and erased "Mr. Woodard" on the chalkboard about a dozen times before he felt like it could possibly remotely be him! Ya think he was nervous?
He tells his student teachers two things::
1. Have a calling (not just a need to pay the bils)
2. Have a "presence"--it'd better MAKE A DIFFERENCE that you're in the room!
Good luck!
Marcia
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